How to cook an optimist

Last week one of my friends who has optimism down to an art form got a speeding ticket for going 27 in a 25 mph zone. As the sick person that I am, I was excited to see how she would react. I've known her for two years so I was hoping for this ticket to at least momentarily crush her optimism. I was sorely disappointed. She reasoned that even though she was driving only two miles over the speed limit she was was clearly breaking the law. Even though the cop seemed slightly rude it was likely that he was just having a bad day. She was convinced that there was no way for her to be mad at him.

While I believe that it is great to have a positive outlook on life and to be able to see the brighter side of things. There are times when you optimistic people are just so over the top that you make me want to vomit. I don't care whether you see the glass as half full or half empty. Either way it is only half a glass. People who seem to believe that their glass is completely full all of the time both confuse and disturb me. I am never sure as to whether you are actually happy; or just pretending to make other people like you. Since I believe that everyone should just be themselves and not worry about what other people think, I don't understand why people pretend. If you are only pretending to be happy, STOP! Everyone knows that you're faking it. If you are actually happy all of the time maybe there is something wrong with you, I'm not a doctor so I can't be sure.

All I know is that if I were stranded on an island with several people and one overly happy person, the optimist would be the first to go. I don't want to hear about how even though we are stranded on an island, we are getting to spend more quality time together. I want to hear ideas on how we're going to get off this island. No singing! No dancing! No talking to volleyballs! I don't want some happy person waiting to be rescued sitting on their ass all day. I want someone who is going to trudge into the trees of this island with me to find food and water. Basically, if you are one of these fanatically happy people I would suggest not going on a long trip with me (especially the type where there is a possibility that we might somehow become trapped together). We both know that won't end well, for you at least. Being trapped on an island would definitely be the ultimate test of your optimistic outlook. I would be interested to see how happy you could be with two black eyes and a fat lip. That is before I use you for shark bait. I'm sure that you would believe that you were helping the oceanic ecosystem or something like that. I just know that I would be laughing the entire time.